Friday, August 28, 2009

SIX

home sweet home. i enjoyed bc while it lasted. it could've been better but what can i do, i can't completely block someone from my mind. if you want to be friends then we'll be friends. it slipped my mind how i wont even be able to blog about you or how i feel because like i said "you'll never know.." but who knows. things could've ended off better then how it's being left. i understand you and i need time which is why i keep getting the fuck off. you enjoyed yourself and i will enjoy me. i don't even know how you feel anymore, yeah you don't like me but do you really care about what i'm thinking, what's going on with me? you told me to think what i want but i don't want to. we're friends now, can't you just show me that you care or not? it saves more time and saves the trouble. i didn't even know if i should tell you i was coming back cause i didn't know if you were even interested in knowing or not. i've put us and our problems on the side and haven't talked to you like you asked me to but when we do talk it's either i feel as if you get mad cause still, nothing's going anywhere. every thing's still left there but i don't know, aren't we "just friends" now? a lot has been going through my mind lately and i just wish we were how we were in the beginning. you'd know something was wrong and would ask me. i wish you'd ask me what's wrong because there's a lot. at the same time, i don't know how much to tell you and talk to you cause you told me not to talk to you and we aren't on good terms. i want to tell you so many things but you been pretty much doing you and you seem to be caught up with them two. i wish things would go back to the beginning when we'd ask and talk about what was wrong and were on good terms. everything feels wrong. who know, maybe i should move to calgary. oh, you probably didn't know that cause i didn't know if i should even tell you. sigh where's my friend when i need her i ask myself. can't sleep, can't eat, can't think straight and on top of that i'm on the verge of getting so fucked for every up coming event. i don't feel like dancing with other people for any jams but does it even matter now? cause you're long gone...
on the other hand coming back to tdot and going out right away to hang out with everyone was fun. sure i got pwned but i had myself a real smile and a real laugh for that time period. wow tp, we known each other for 5 years and yesterday (8279) was our first hug! we'll have our second hug another 5 years from now lol. it started out as you running towards me from far, i thought it'd be funny to run to you with open arms and then reject you but even when i turn and ran, you ran after me and so it ended up as two idiots running around in the parking lot. i didn't want to break out record but i was getting tired so BAM -_-. yes, i can pick you up. you aren't heavy. it then went on to ml for our first hugs but failed lol. anyways as i was going home at like 1 am or so i hopped off the bus to walk into my neighborhood. everyone who knows where i live knows how far of a walk it is from the bus stops to my house. so as i got off the bus, i was the only person in the area. i crossed the street towards the dentist place and no one was infront of me and i looked behind, there was also no one and continued my way. as i was listening to my ipod i took one ear out to hear my text alert due to texting and i heard a noise form behind me and some guy was walking right behind me. he seemed drunk and i wondered where the fuck he came from cause i was the only one on the entire block. so as i was texting i heard his foot steps come closer and closer so i walked faster and decided to call ml. scared shitless i was telling ml what was happening in viet. i heard his foot steps getting louder so i looked back and he started mumbling something to me. he was walking like he was drunk, mind you it was dark, chilly and he was wearing dark clothes. ml told me to cross the street but the other side had no side walk but told me to cross anyways so i did. looking back to "see" if there was any "cars" he was also slowly crossing the street as i did. that's when i told ml i'm going to go so i could call my brother. when he picked up i felt a sigh of relief but at the same time was hoping he was home which he was. from the very beginning i spoke to him in viet saying his viet name and everything. i told him that i was near the stop sign and i heard him say loudly to someone in a worried rushed voice "some guy's following my sister!" i heard him quickly rushing out but my phone was dying and it went silent. as i was walked towards my house i looked back so i could cross back to the other side, the creeper also crossed back. i then was turning the corner curb, started walking towards my house and saw my brother rushing out of the drive way with his girlfriend in a t-shirt, shorts and flip flops. i knew i was then safe and i still looked back to see where the guy was and i didn't see him. he had slowed down. as i came closer and closer to my brother and his gf, i told them what happened and asked if they saw him walked by cause close to the turn he slowed down alot. his gf didn't see the creepy guy but my brother saw him walking by. it was the first creepy experience i felt walking home. his gf told me to be careful and not to walk home aline so late. after that i kind of felt a missing piece falling back into place. even though i have my days with my brother where we'd bitch or be a bitch or deadly fight, he still had my back and i still have his. just like when we were much younger. we always had each others back, if one gets beatings the other would too. same with his gf, we have our days but we still watch out for each other and have each others back. it's funny how things work but i call it family, i call it love. the meaning for me was lost, i focused it on something differently because i started looking for love in a person. i end up getting hurt or fucking myself over but, although my family is messed up and apart we still love, care, worry, watch out for one another. at the end of everyday we still have each other even if we don't make the best decisions or show it. at the end of the day it's home where i'm back at. my family's my home, my family's my heart..
- p.s rest in peace grandpa.