Friday, July 31, 2009
THREE
Where do I start? I know I haven't been open with you lately and I feel as we don't talk much. I don't know what's going on with us lately. I've gotten a couple of people back in my life, 3 to be exact. I guess I been carried away and trying to make it work with them when it's really you that I should be making it work with. There's so many things on my mind very recently like how are we doing, where do we stand, do you still feel the same towards me? I agree with you when you say that we aren't moving forward. I don't know what it is with me but after everything I do or say still brings me back to one thought, which is you. I say things that I later wished I didn't say. Sometimes I can feel so open to you while other times I just can't be open. My head's been jumping around with thoughts and what not but I'm pretty sure I still want to be with you. The thing that's so weird is how weak our communication is. Do you see it? Do you see that? Sometimes we'll hit it off so great and then it crashes. I can maintain a conversation better with my friends longer and constant with some of my friends and honestly that fucking sucks. I don't know how exactly I'm feeling towards you anymore. I don't think you do neither. This can't go on for long, we have to sit down and talk about this. I thought I was falling in love but it's not love if the only times we get along so heavenly are when we're with each other and not apart. I don't know what's going through my mind. I need these other things to stop like the way I am, the way I act, the things that I'm doing. It's not helping us any better as it is. It's sad that sometimes I can't even feel like I can run to you. It's either about you, about others or I don't want you to get hurt. I've hurt you too much and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm going to try my best to stop all my bull shit dumb ass act and non sense cause aint nothing worth putting above you. To think of it I'm pretty confident I want to be with you. Each morning your the first I think of and same goes to night. When I say something or do something I later think of you and sometimes think to myself I shouldn't have done that or what the heck am I doing. My self control has never really been one of my strongest points. I can change, change isn't always good but I feel I can do my half to make this work and make this happen. What do you think? Are you willing to work with me to make this work and enhance our communication and everything or are you just sick and tired of everything and done?..