Friday, July 31, 2009
THREE
Where do I start? I know I haven't been open with you lately and I feel as we don't talk much. I don't know what's going on with us lately. I've gotten a couple of people back in my life, 3 to be exact. I guess I been carried away and trying to make it work with them when it's really you that I should be making it work with. There's so many things on my mind very recently like how are we doing, where do we stand, do you still feel the same towards me? I agree with you when you say that we aren't moving forward. I don't know what it is with me but after everything I do or say still brings me back to one thought, which is you. I say things that I later wished I didn't say. Sometimes I can feel so open to you while other times I just can't be open. My head's been jumping around with thoughts and what not but I'm pretty sure I still want to be with you. The thing that's so weird is how weak our communication is. Do you see it? Do you see that? Sometimes we'll hit it off so great and then it crashes. I can maintain a conversation better with my friends longer and constant with some of my friends and honestly that fucking sucks. I don't know how exactly I'm feeling towards you anymore. I don't think you do neither. This can't go on for long, we have to sit down and talk about this. I thought I was falling in love but it's not love if the only times we get along so heavenly are when we're with each other and not apart. I don't know what's going through my mind. I need these other things to stop like the way I am, the way I act, the things that I'm doing. It's not helping us any better as it is. It's sad that sometimes I can't even feel like I can run to you. It's either about you, about others or I don't want you to get hurt. I've hurt you too much and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm going to try my best to stop all my bull shit dumb ass act and non sense cause aint nothing worth putting above you. To think of it I'm pretty confident I want to be with you. Each morning your the first I think of and same goes to night. When I say something or do something I later think of you and sometimes think to myself I shouldn't have done that or what the heck am I doing. My self control has never really been one of my strongest points. I can change, change isn't always good but I feel I can do my half to make this work and make this happen. What do you think? Are you willing to work with me to make this work and enhance our communication and everything or are you just sick and tired of everything and done?..
Monday, July 27, 2009
TWO
QT
"Good having you back." I cannot agree much more. I know it's still too early to tell where we're going with this but I think I can say I'm happy with it. You made me a promise first thing this morning about our privacy and it means a lot to me but we'll see how it'll turn out. After everything said and done I still feel that I can trust you with anything. I think I was too busy looking in the past to see the present. I didn't know what I wanted and didn't know what I needed to do but all I know that is that I wanted to talk to you. We needed to fix things, we needed to patch things up and we both agreed that we didn't have closure. So here we are, here you are. Stepping up to the plate and finally walking back to the base of where it all started. The abandoned home you once left and was afraid to come back to and fix. Based on broken promises, arguments, dreams and memories; you've taught me a lot and changed the person that I once was. Thank you for that. I've grown, matured and am much wiser from where I once stood. Lately I been needing that shoulder to cry on, that person to talk to. You know, the one who used to tell me that everything was going to be alright? But instead I felt trapped and bottled up. I can't even trust the closest around me or not just completely yet. After you my trust was guarded and I was much more careless. It's nice knowing that you always had my back, still watching out for me and that you still care. I guess I was wrong when I thought that you didn't. It was just hard for me and your actions didn't help. Thanks for keeping me focus even when we've just reunited. You told me not to mess up again and treat her well. Things have change without you around, when we talk we're still the same deep down inside. When I came to see you for your birthday I was talking to you face to face. I couldn't find the right words to come out but you knew what I was trying to get out and still completed it. I don't want to put everything behind us and past us but I want to put it aside because I really want a friendship out of this. It always hurts me seeing how we ended off knowing that it could've been better if only we both tried hard enough. Now that we can, I can say we were in it together like from day one. You've taught me so much through out the years and I can't forget everything we been through. I can put the thought of us away. We've both moved one but I guess it's just the memories, songs and names that lingers around us that makes us think back. But nothing negative cause when I look back, you already know that I try my best to look back at the most greatest moments. I wont forget anything. "You can forgive but you can never forget." I'm just glad to have you back. You will be many things to me: my first love, the one who took me under your arms for shelter when I ran away that night, the one who showed and given me as much love back as I had for you. The one who motivated to to go to school everyday, the one who changed me for the better, the one who kept me good. But oh how things have certainly changed and now we're down are own path just trying to be by each others side as we were before. I should be in my last year of high school and you're off to freshmen college. I still remembered the things we planned. But it's all just a memory now and I'm glad I have many good things to look back at with you. We've said we wouldn't let anything get in the way and honestly sometimes I think to myself how things would be like if we both held back from that first day. It'd be interesting to know but that can't happen. Things went wrong and we always found a way to rip through the ugly weather and make it work. Lets keep it real now and keep our head high. Remember (y)our promise and happy birthday fatso! Forever & Always.ML
I'm exhausted and sore. Crying and thinking this morning first thing at 6 am and I didn't even sleep. I was talking to a friend about everything and life. It's been a while since we talked like that eh? It's good to know that you're still the same and it's nice that even though we were 3487267810 miles away from each other we stile kept in touch and you still called.
JB
This is like randomness going on and on. So I'm on the phone right now and it was the most unexpected surprised phone call that I had in months! I'm so god damn tired going to end this here, lay down and talk on the phone and knock the shit out.
GOOOOD MOTHEER FUCKING NIGHHTT BITCHEES! =)
Saturday, July 25, 2009
ONE
I noticed since I made this account i didn't even bother playing around with it or writing anything down, so here I am. Life has been crazy with family and friends and money. Excited for the rest of the summer and looking forward to going back to school. Hopefully I will be re-accepted but they might not give me another chance. Therefore I must decide which school to apply for.
So little time, many decisions and filled with regrets.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)